“How are you?”
“Busy.”
Sound familiar? This seems to be in all the conversations around me.
Over the last several years, I have occasionally challenged myself to break up with the word “busy” and remove it from my vocabulary. Small talk is challenging without it.
It is eye opening to see the pedestal that busyness sits on in our culture. Without “busy”, suddenly I’m “working on something interesting” or “spending a lot of time in the backyard”. And as a certified Daring to Rest Coach and Yoga Nidra Facilitator, more and more, “I’m resting a lot”.
A few years ago, in the final months of pregnancy with my third baby, I was exhausted. In part from the physiological changes and in part from the demands of my life. We all hold so many things - our families, our careers, our health, our communities. The load can be heavy and exhausting, even when some of the elements that create the load provide purpose and meaning.
During that third and fourth trimester I tried to be tender with myself. I put my feet up. I went to bed early. But I wish I had known the real power of rest during this exhausting and physically challenging time in my life.
As I returned to work and was cleared for regular exercise, I rushed back into life full force. I was determined to get my energy back. Many days I woke before the kids to sweat and get some work done. Many days I stayed up late to respond to text messages, read the news and tidy up for the next day. Many days, I ran around, here and there, without even noticing my breath. Without even pausing to ask myself how I was doing. My answer would have been “busy”.
“Busy” was becoming a problem for me. I was still exhausted and I couldn’t hear my body communicating with me. More than once I stubbed my toe on a wall from walking too quickly. I often found myself arriving somewhere on autopilot - had I locked the door? How exactly did I get here? Was I listening when my daughter told me about her day? If I wanted to be awake to what was happening around me and inside of me, I needed to slow down. Finding the time to slow down seemed unrealistic. There was so much to do.
As the months wore on and the exhaustion was not lifting, Karen Brody, my teacher and the author of “Daring to Rest: Reclaim Your Power with Yoga Nidra Rest Meditation", was offering a 40 day daily yoga nidra challenge. Yoga nidra, or yogic sleep, is a sleep based guided meditation and it is fondly known as the art of doing nothing.
With a career, three young kids and a new schedule of burning the candle at both ends, I did not feel like I had time to practice yoga nidra daily. But maybe rest was what I needed. Maybe rest would open the door to slowing down.
I decided I would give the challenge a try and lower the bar. If I rested ten out of forty days, it would be better than nothing. Karen Brody says, in her book that “it’s widely touted that forty-five minutes of yogic sleep feels like three hours of regular sleep”. That was intriguing. Ten great naps. I was up for that.
So I did something radical. On the first day of the challenge, I tucked my two year old in her crib for a nap and then laid down on my bed with a yoga nidra. I laid down instead of doing the dishes, cleaning up the living room, responding to emails or zoning out on the couch. For thirty minutes I did nothing. It felt amazing. It DID feel like a night of sleep. So I did it the next day, and the next. My body, my brain and my heart responded immediately. If I was exhausted, what I needed was rest.
Sometimes I describe yoga nidra as a vacation because I have some of those same feelings. I’m guided away to some relaxing, peaceful place and when I return, I have more capacity to be in my day to day life. As I slowly return to my life, I see small moments as more sacred. When a conflict arises, I have more clarity and self compassion about the challenges in my life. I can hear my intuition more clearly. When I ask myself how I am doing, I am likely to answer with something heartfelt and meaningful like “worried about that doctor’s appointment” or “feeling gratitude for my life”.
Rest has begun to feel essential. Especially on full, chaotic days. The less time I have to rest, the more I know I need it. Rest doesn’t always look like laying down for thirty minutes with a yoga nidra. More and more I’m learning that rest is a tone I can set in my life.
My yoga nidra practice set me on a path to slow down. To discover the magic that awaited me in a more rested life. I was beginning to feel less busy. Somehow resting more had stretched out time, rather than taking time away from my days.
Through exploring rest, I learned that beginning my day with silence can set the tone of rest for my day. Some days that silence is on a morning run. Some days that silence in a yoga nidra in my bed. Even two minutes of silence before I begin to tend to others is powerful and almost always accessible.
During the work day I can find a tone of rest by stepping outside for some fresh air between client sessions. Some days I slow down by eating my lunch outside without my phone. I might take five minutes to listen to my breath or a shorter rest practice. In my daily life, I feel more empowered to say “no” to the relationships and activities that are not for me. To decide how to use my precious time.
Resting and slowing down give me the energy and capacity to take on the big and small moments in my life. They fuel me to be more awake and alert to my life. To see the path behind me with more compassion and kindness. To see the trail ahead of me with more discernment and wisdom.
This April, for my birthday, I asked my husband for two things: a chilly family beach day and to have a day without rushing. That day, as I ran onto the beach with my daughters, I was filled with gratitude and awe. The ocean is so majestic and powerful. I was wide awake to the waves, the wind, the joyful laughter, even the crunch of sand in our sandwiches.
As I look back on that unrushed birthday adventure, I can remember so many sweet, funny moments with my family. And if you had asked me “how are you?” I think I would have said “thankful to be alive”.
I don’t have time for “busy” anymore.
If you want to change your relationship with rest, slowing down and busyness, let’s rest together.
Learn more about my upcoming rest circles and rest coaching at restwithali.com